Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

You don't have asthma, your pregnant

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.

Fav 23 1325 4423
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(519): View more from Ontario

he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

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(859): View more from Kentucky

How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

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(706): View more from Georgia

I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.

Fav 10 2436 898
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(650): View more from California

Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.

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(516): View more from New York

Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.

Fav 1 1144 627
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(415): View more from California

So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button

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(914): View more from New York

It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.

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