1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
