i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
