STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
