How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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