How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
