So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
