The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
