I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
