You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
