That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
