Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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