Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
