yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
