I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
