That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
is that a dick in a sweater?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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