Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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