Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
