When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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