first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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