would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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