Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
