How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
