Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
