When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
