My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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