last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
