Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
