That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
