I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
