I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
