Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
