Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
