left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
