apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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