Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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