Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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