Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
