Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
