some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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