Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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