i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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