I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize