I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
