I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
