Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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