i wish my penis had a tongue
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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