I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize