Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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