saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
