Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize