Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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