I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
