Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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