She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
