I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
