Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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