Im at strip club and am horny
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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