I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
