How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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