he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
