Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
