btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize