I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
