I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
