I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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