I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
