my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
