I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
