pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
one might say we're banned from that church
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
