my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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