Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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