so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
