If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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