i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Found the puke drawer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
