i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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