I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
