Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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