Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize