You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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