You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
